A Small Incident With A Big Lesson

What started as a fun day had an enlightening outcome for me. I learnt my son is growing up in ways that are not obvious but really important nevertheless.

A night earlier, we had planned that the following day we would go to one of the local small beaches to spend the day. It is a spot we usually venture to in the evenings to enjoy a sunset with some local fish and chips but today we decided to leave earlier so that Eka could get some beach fun. We had our picnic baskets packed to the brim with veggies and meats to grill for lunch. This was going to be an enjoyable day with an early end. 

Going with the plan, we left at midday for a quick drive into the mid suburbs to reach Sandgate, our destination for the day. The hour long drive was enjoyable as we drove through a new route that ran parallel to the Brissy river. We reached Sandgate Pier and headed for a spot we had visited earlier. With light sands and shallow waters, this was a good spot for Eka to start his castle construction work (no visit to a beach is complete without a few sand structures). 

With the sun high and bright I thought Eka would do well with a swim in the shallows. Not needing much convincing, Eka was eager to get into the waters. Sandgate doesn't have the pristine blue waters that some of the other beaches possess but a rather muddy brown look due to the mud and sand in it. Eka waded into the waters with such glee.

Eka splashed and waded for some time and tried to paddle through the brown waters. There were other kids swimming or wading similarly. A couple of lengths further towards the deep and back got him into the groove. While swimming back on the third lap Eka suddenly screamed. It was not a scream in pain but one in fear. Since the waters were shallow, we got up and ran towards me. On reaching me he looked scared.

I asked him what happened and he said he felt something brush against him in the water and where it did so Eka's skin was reacting by getting sore and red. He said it was paining and burning. We had seen some Animal Planet documentaries of things that can happen in Aussie waters which got us all the more alarmed. I started probing him for the kind of pain and the intensity. Eka was persistent and consistent in his description of what happened and the resulting reaction his body was undergoing. This was a first of a kind experience and I had to work things quickly. I called Neerja and spoke to her about the situation and then rushed Eka to a water fountain to wash the impacted areas. Got him changed and then drove to the nearest pharmacy to get some medicines.

While driving to the pharmacy, I wanted Eka to continue talking to me as he was seated behind me and I couldn't see him. I also wanted to distract him a little so I started a conversation on what he wanted for Christmas. Despite the pain and the fear, in a confident voice Eka said he didn't want to talk about Christmas but wanted to talk about his experience in the water and what had happened. Though I had heard it a few times already, I was surprised at the clarity of his thoughts and understanding of the situation. This was a mature moment when I thought my son was growing up in ways that I was not prepared for yet.

We had to stop over at Sandgate station to pick up a couple of my friends and then rush to the pharmacy. At the pharmacy we consulted one of the staff there and Eka described to her what had happened. The lady told us not to worry, that had it been something to get worried about, the symptoms and reactions would have been more acute and intensified. She prescribed a syrup and a lotion to control the burning sensation.

In the meanwhile, an old lady sitting at the pharmacy started talking to Eka. Though he was hesitant, I encouraged him to engage in the conversation. It helped him overcome the trauma he was undergoing. The old lady offered Eka a bag of chocolate peanuts while the lady from the pharmacy quietly confirmed to me that this old lady was a person of good repute and there was no risk. Eka thanked the old lady and received the bag of chocolates. We paid for the medicines and got back to the car where Eka drank the prescription syrup. One of the friends applied the lotion on the impacted areas and within no time all was back to normal. We got back to the beach and were famished and so were the others who were with us.

Eka didn't want to go anywhere near the waters after the experience earlier and we understood him. While Eka monkeyed around some trees, we cooked up a spread on the community BBQ grills.

Feasted and sated, we spent some more time at the beach till the sun started its dusky transformation when we started back for home. What a day it had been.

But through the drive back and later during the evening, all I could think of was Eka's experience and the way he dealt with it. I guess from now I need to interact with him a little maturely. A small incident but a big lesson.

The Sleepy Goodbye

Yesterday I was busy packing and preparing for my trip to the Philippines. Eka kept out of my way, keeping busy with his new books and his backyard digging project (a.k.a. I'm building something). We had an unspoken understanding that it was a day where attentions were bound to be divided. So both of us got busy in keeping occupied with the tasks at hand. 

By the time the day ended, I had finished my preparations and Eka was ready to hit the bed. When I went to tuck him in he asked me if I would be there in the morning when he woke up. Since my flight was at 9:05 am that necessitated I leave by 7:00, I told him only if he wakes up early. Being Sunday, waking up early is highly irregular so we left it at that. 

This morning after I woke up and finished my last minute readiness regime, I had 15 minutes to spare before the taxi arrived to take me to the airport. Neerja and I agreed to wake Eka up so that I could say goodbye before my 10-day trip commenced.  We sat by Eka's bedside and gently nudged him awake. His sleepy eyes looked up without any recollection of the need to disturb his slumber. I whispered that I was about to leave and had come to wish him goodbye. My angel looked into my eyes, smiled, wished me good morning and goodbye and kept looking at me while I sat beside him. I knew he wanted to sleep but he waited!

Gently I lulled him to get back to sleep which didn't take long. But he took my hand and held it to keep me close to him. He didn't want me to leave though he knew I had to. 

With a reluctant heart I freed myself of my baby's hug and let him sleep peacefully. No fuss, no tears, just a peaceful goodbye. 

Sitting at the airport lounge as I write this note, I can't wait to get back when my journey has hardly begun. 

Sharing a Passion in Reading

As a child I was an avid reader, at times to the chagrin of my mother who would have wanted me to spend time in the outdoors. But reading has remained my constant companion forever. It was natural for me to want Eka to enjoy reading. It took a while but Eka's finally learning to love this hobby.

Eka began his journey into books with comics and picture books filled with his favourite characters. This school and class teacher played a big part in feeding his interest into books by letting him select age appropriate books across genres. Every week he came home with a new library book that piqued his interest in a new thing. I could see him grow his vocabulary every day. Most evenings at bedtime we would read out of the library book, taking turns by reading pages in patterns.

During Term 3, Eka's school celebrated their annual Book Week. Children were encouraged to buy books at discounted prices to grow their library. Neerja and I were keen to get Eka a few books but didn't know which ones to buy. We presumed his growing interest in comic super heroes would determine his choice in books. Having resigned to this presumption we marched onward to the book fair. 

At the book stall Eka surprised us with his choice of books. He selected two books on puppies, one on animal babies, and one encyclopedia on planet Earth. Good choice Eka.

These were big boy books for Eka. Few pictures, pages filled with words, sentences, and complex subjects. Eka began reading his first growing up book, "The Puppy who was Left Behind" by Holly Webb. It's been a pleasure seeing him keep to the book, reading at bedtime and continuing on waking up. A week and a bit more has passed and Eka's finished reading this book. His excitement in completing a book with over a hundred pages is fabulous. And this excitement along with his curiosity to learn new thing will continue to feed his interest in books. I have even opened a GoodReads account to track his library.

I'm happy. It's like passing on a passion and a legacy to my son. Thanks Eka for giving me another pleasure at being a dad... your Dad.

Climbing my Mount Everest

Extending my physical capabilities was never a fundamental need for me. Through my childhood and teens I was content with my ability to marginally engage in physical activities. I knew it wasn't due to any limitation but my will to participate. But I have since continued in this mild association with workouts and physical challenges.

Yet I knew this was not a trait to pass along the family line and I hoped Eka would be better. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

A year or so back we were out on a weekend at South Bank for one of the cultural evenings. This meant festive ambiance for us and rides and treats for Eka. Amid other things, Eka wanted to try his hands on rock climbing. Well why not? Eka was thrilled to get his hands and feed on the little nooks and grooves and climb all the way to the top. Despite fear, Neerja and I kept looking at him in awe. He was doing what I could only dream of.

This experience with measured doses of videos on Parkour fuelled Eka's interest in climbing and jumping. I constantly encourage him to overcome his fear of jumping from heights and he has been improving in spot jumps and hurdles, descending jumps, and long jumps. 

One evening we were at Currumbin Beach where perched on the beach stands a rock formation that is perfect to climb. 

The moment Eka laid his eyes on it he wanted to scale it. Doubt and apprehension crept all over the parental protective response system. It could simply have been a negative and that would have been the end, albeit a whiny one.

But to forge Eka's confidence, as parents we had to set ourselves up for the challenge too. With baby steps we moved closer to the gigantic rock (it did feel so for what we were attempting) and convinced ourselves this is good for him.

As we reached the rock Eka broke off from the protective security detail of his Ma and Pa and ran towards his Everest. 

At first he contented himself by climbing close to the ground, trying to gauge himself. 

As he became surefooted the altitude rose. Within a few minutes he was at the summit looking down at us and beaming like the sun shining from a mountain top. Oh what bliss. And now he had to come down... Oh fish!

Constant pandering on being careful, watching where to place feet, looking around for best nooks and crannies, and a couple of minutes later Eka was back on mother earth. 

Relief, joy, awe, pride, adoration, and other such emotions followed.

Since then, rock climbing has been a constant companion in our weekend outings. It helps both father and son overcome our fears. While he climbs I see the world from his eyes.

Father' Day 2014

I am usually extremely composed and controlled, rarely emotive in person. In many ways it is my undoing in personal relationships. But my relationship with my son gets the better of me in most instances such as this one...

The run up to Father's Day (the ANZ one and not the globally celebrated one) was filled with preparation at home. My wife (Neerja) signed up to help the school with gifting solutions for the event while my son (Eka) had things up his sleeve.

A week prior to the big day Eka started probing me on what I wanted for Father's Day. Being the mature and diplomatic dad, I didn't want to dash his hopes asking for something that wasn't available yet not wanting him feeling dejected. I opted for some pristine behaviour on his part and any token that he felt fitted the day.

Midway through the week Neerja started reassuring me it wasn't a coffee mug or a tie (thank the stars). I wasn't overtly concerned. Whatever it was, I would accept it with grace and enjoy it as a gift from my son. To be honest, I expected a bag of lollies that I would sample and he would savour, knowing him.

The school week ended and there was a stillness in the air. Though the big event was around the corner, nothing was spoken of and nothing was heard. It was turning into quite a hush-hush affair. I didn't probe into the intricacies of the day and neither did mother or son let me know what's happening.

Then came Saturday and it started fairly ordinarily. I was first to wake up followed by Eka. We worked on some pending father-son activities that were due over the weekend. This was followed by a father-son breakfast.

(Note: in interest of self preservation I am not venturing into what Neerja was up to all this while. Folks guess for yourselves).

As the day progressed the little one could not hold his excitement. He jumped up and said he had to show me something. I was made to close my eyes while he dashed into his room to get the surprise. He darted back and asked me to open my eyes. A moustache shaped hand-made card. Perfectly shaped, with a Tartan drape on one side and lots of love on the other. The inside was a drawing of Eka on my shoulders. I was impressed.

Once the flood gates opened, other surprises continued to rush in. The card was followed by a laminated posted for my work table. Themed why sons love dads, mine was a testimony to my bicycle fixing skills.

The next in line was my Father's Day gift # 1. Eka had worked this out to a perfect fit. He bought me a planter with Peruvian Aji Limon Chillies to grow knowing my fondness for the feisty and fiery spice. This was making the day fabulous.

Then came the plus one gift (or Father's Day Gift # 2). A Lego motif penstand. By now I was entranced by Eka's thoughtfulness and foresight into my preferences and reactions. The yellow pot with a smiling face was going to be a beautiful addition to my workspace.

Eka topped this with a father-son Star Wars joke gifting me the Darth Vader dangler. 'Luke, I am your father' immortalised into a Vader mask with a love-heart!

I was overjoyed about the entire plan and execution that Eka had put together for this special day. And then he blew my mind off.

Eka (and his class fellows) had been memorising a special Father's Day song that he sang in earnest to me, looking me straight in the eyes and forcing an imaginary tear down my cheeks. 

I was wrought with emotion and this was a first. I was in ecstatic and worried at the same moment. The confusion was around my inability to control my expressions but the joy was beyond bearing.

What a day. I could hold him in a big bear hug but I feared if my feelings converted into force, it would hurt Eka unintentionally. 

And so, a light hug, some hand slaps and smiles later, we laughed about the fact that Father's Day as the next day and I needed to be equally surprised the next day when the plan was re-executed.

I promised!