Ageing, Learning, and the Power of Simplicity

An 8-yr old boy wonders what's the best way to score a goal and decides the best way is to kick the ball into the goal. He tries. He misses. Then he gets the ball and works again.

18-yr old youth wonders what's the best way to score a goal and decides he needs to check his distance from the target, the direction of the breeze, his angle to the goal, the force he needs to exert, and the right placement of his foot on the ball. He kicks the ball. He misses. Then he tries to refine his calculations.

Children with their uncomplicated lives and uncluttered minds think simple solutions to the same problems that often over-complicate. As we mature, we saturate our minds with our experiences that impact out outcomes. As adults, we tend to draw on more information than what is needed to complete the task and achieve the goal.

I recently experienced this first hand. Neerja was teaching Eka grade 5 math and had to explain the difference between prime numbers and composite numbers. While innately knowing the answer, she wasn't able to structure it into a response for Eka, and so she asked me to help. Similarly, I had trouble articulating an explanation on composite numbers, so I looked up the internet for assistance. 

The internet is a fantastic aid that can provide a lot of data. But the ability to distil data into useful information is still better for us humans. I took the most straightforward definition of a composite number and tried to explain the fundamental to Neerja. Again, though she broadly understood the explanation, it did not give her enough to justify the concept to Eka. 

A while later, with frustration and fatigue creeping in Neerja asked me to pause. She took a moment to recompose herself and jig her mind a bit. Promptly came the question, "So is a composite number one that is not a prime number"? And it immediately dawned on me, that was the simplest way to begin the conversation about the fundamental concept regarding prime and composite numbers. I realised what I often tell others to do; while communicating, reference the listeners' knowledge to provide your inputs to be best understood. Had I approached the issue the same way, perhaps I would have saved all of us the angst of getting the answer and annoyance of being able to explain it to Eka in a way he could best understand it.

Darling Neerja,

Happy Valentine's Day.

Thanks for reintroducing me to the power of simplicity. 

KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

Between a rock and a hard place

This episode on our parental journey is all about foreign bodies and their relativity to our own bodies. It is also about intelligence and common sense and how they lose out to curiosity.

Earlier this week, Eka was at school per his regular schedule. Like all school days we expected this one to be similar. A few happy faces, perhaps a sad face here and there... Lunch uneaten or stationery misplaced. We thought it to be an ordinary school day. Who knew.

Returning back from school everything seemed normal. A bit of leftovers, some school notices to go through. Nothing untowardly. Eka finished his evening play time, completed his chores, and returned from his bath. Then while sitting with us he matter-of-factly blurted that he had inserted a small pebble in his ear.

First there was silence. Then panic ensued. It was mixed with wonder and amazement, anger, confusion, and panic! Did I mention panic?

I was amazed that Eka being an intelligent kid could do something so daft. Angry for him having done it to himself. Confused on why would he do something so irresponsible. And panic at the fact that the pebble had made itself home for over 8 hours now.

Then bravado and pseudo-rationalism kicked in. I turned from parent to medical expert. My mental copy of the Quick Thinking Parent's DIY Medical Journal said get a flashlight and a tweezer. Nurse Neerja was beside me waiting for the doctor's orders. In a jiffy she was back with the instruments of the moment. As we peered down Eka's ear trying to locate the pebble, it felt like we were trying to search for treasure. A little maneuvering of his ear and the flashlight and there it was, deep in the abyss lay a pea-sized white pearl like pebble; the object that was the subject of our abject horror (take that English professor, meh). It was way down his ear canal in a place his tiny fingers couldn't have gone. Yet there it lay, shrouded in mystery to its origin, a white little pebble.

The next step was to try prying it out with the tweezer but Doc McChicken went cluck cluck and gave up before reaching the pebble. As it dawned on us that this is no DIY project, we called onto Google's help to search for emergency services. This was 8 in the evening which is pretty nightly in any Brissy suburb. Zeroing onto a hospital with an Emergency Department still functioning we packed a few things and drove down to the hospital.

I won't go into too many details but the emergency services couldn't do much. Since then we have visited our GP, a private ENT practice, and we are back at the ED. The pebble lays stuck with ear wax in the far depth of Eka's ear like Pirate Captain Kidd's treasure chest waiting to be rediscovered, extracted, and exalted upon.

I type this as we continue to wait at the ED for the next update. Perhaps an excavation team, perhaps another appointment. As I wait, I wonder... why the bloody hell did he pop that pebble in his ear?

Challenge F - Met and Overcome

Sometimes being a dad to a growing boy has its challenges. Apart from academics, humanity, and sportsmanship a dad also needs to help imbue practicality.

Just a few nights back as I was tucking Eka into bed, he asked me to lie down beside him and talk to him for a while. With an angelic face like his, who can refuse a request such as this!

I was lying down beside Eka and we were discussing his day and mine. Eka briefly skimmed over his day; summarising the bits he thought I would be interested in and leaving out the ones he know I would raise my eyebrows on. As the conversation subsided into silence, I thought it was time to excuse myself so that Eka could unwind and drift off to slumberland. He was all set for noddyland, with his soft toys beside him, eyes shut, breathing eased, and mischief managed. Then out of the blues he sprung a question that made me suck in a deep breath and compose myself to respond back...

"Papa, what does the word 'f**k' mean"? 

Did I hear that correctly? Was a 7 year old asking me what f**k meant? Was this my boy who was asking me?

I asked Eka to repeat his question, genuinely concerned that I had misheard him.

"Papa, the word 'f**k'; what does it mean"?

Bam! There it was again, the word. 

First thought: how does he know that word!

Second thought: how do I explain it...

Third thought: should I explain it?

Composing myself, I did a little parental probe on where had he heard the word. Was it that his classmates were using this word? Or had he heard it from a careless adult? Worse, was it something he had caught on from any of the telly channels we watch? I had more questions than answers for Eka. But I had to be brave. This was one of the innumerable instances where I would have to brace myself. 

I remembered when I asked my mom this question. I was in Grade 5 and had found out this from a senior in school. I also recollected the medieval etymology of the word and wondered about those times. All this in flashback.

Anyways, out of the past and back to the blast.

In my serious but caring tone I explained that the word had an adult meaning that people had corrupted over time to make it a foul word. It wasn't a good word to use and I checked if Eka had ever heard it at home. Thankfully never, because it doesn't grace Neerja's or my vocabulary.

Still probing, Eka wanted to know what adult meaning. Drat! Foiled again in my pursuit to be nonchalant. Responding in the same tone, I told Eka it was something he would learn as he turned into an adult but was not important to know now. 

Then Eka checked if it was a foul word everywhere.

Australia? Yes.
India? Yes.
Dubai? Yes.
Canada? Yes.

Having spanned the globe, he was satisfied that this wasn't a word meant for him.

Eka promised he wouldn't use this word ever. And I thought, that would be fine for now. Cross every bridge when you get to it.

Convinced that he had all the information needed, Eka wished me a good night and I wished him the same.

Tucked in, as he drifted to sleep if wondered - what next. I'd been let off easy with this one but the challenges would get tougher with each day.

Writing this I recollected a wonderful piece of commentary by the great Osho on this very word.

Watch it here

A Small Incident With A Big Lesson

What started as a fun day had an enlightening outcome for me. I learnt my son is growing up in ways that are not obvious but really important nevertheless.

A night earlier, we had planned that the following day we would go to one of the local small beaches to spend the day. It is a spot we usually venture to in the evenings to enjoy a sunset with some local fish and chips but today we decided to leave earlier so that Eka could get some beach fun. We had our picnic baskets packed to the brim with veggies and meats to grill for lunch. This was going to be an enjoyable day with an early end. 

Going with the plan, we left at midday for a quick drive into the mid suburbs to reach Sandgate, our destination for the day. The hour long drive was enjoyable as we drove through a new route that ran parallel to the Brissy river. We reached Sandgate Pier and headed for a spot we had visited earlier. With light sands and shallow waters, this was a good spot for Eka to start his castle construction work (no visit to a beach is complete without a few sand structures). 

With the sun high and bright I thought Eka would do well with a swim in the shallows. Not needing much convincing, Eka was eager to get into the waters. Sandgate doesn't have the pristine blue waters that some of the other beaches possess but a rather muddy brown look due to the mud and sand in it. Eka waded into the waters with such glee.

Eka splashed and waded for some time and tried to paddle through the brown waters. There were other kids swimming or wading similarly. A couple of lengths further towards the deep and back got him into the groove. While swimming back on the third lap Eka suddenly screamed. It was not a scream in pain but one in fear. Since the waters were shallow, we got up and ran towards me. On reaching me he looked scared.

I asked him what happened and he said he felt something brush against him in the water and where it did so Eka's skin was reacting by getting sore and red. He said it was paining and burning. We had seen some Animal Planet documentaries of things that can happen in Aussie waters which got us all the more alarmed. I started probing him for the kind of pain and the intensity. Eka was persistent and consistent in his description of what happened and the resulting reaction his body was undergoing. This was a first of a kind experience and I had to work things quickly. I called Neerja and spoke to her about the situation and then rushed Eka to a water fountain to wash the impacted areas. Got him changed and then drove to the nearest pharmacy to get some medicines.

While driving to the pharmacy, I wanted Eka to continue talking to me as he was seated behind me and I couldn't see him. I also wanted to distract him a little so I started a conversation on what he wanted for Christmas. Despite the pain and the fear, in a confident voice Eka said he didn't want to talk about Christmas but wanted to talk about his experience in the water and what had happened. Though I had heard it a few times already, I was surprised at the clarity of his thoughts and understanding of the situation. This was a mature moment when I thought my son was growing up in ways that I was not prepared for yet.

We had to stop over at Sandgate station to pick up a couple of my friends and then rush to the pharmacy. At the pharmacy we consulted one of the staff there and Eka described to her what had happened. The lady told us not to worry, that had it been something to get worried about, the symptoms and reactions would have been more acute and intensified. She prescribed a syrup and a lotion to control the burning sensation.

In the meanwhile, an old lady sitting at the pharmacy started talking to Eka. Though he was hesitant, I encouraged him to engage in the conversation. It helped him overcome the trauma he was undergoing. The old lady offered Eka a bag of chocolate peanuts while the lady from the pharmacy quietly confirmed to me that this old lady was a person of good repute and there was no risk. Eka thanked the old lady and received the bag of chocolates. We paid for the medicines and got back to the car where Eka drank the prescription syrup. One of the friends applied the lotion on the impacted areas and within no time all was back to normal. We got back to the beach and were famished and so were the others who were with us.

Eka didn't want to go anywhere near the waters after the experience earlier and we understood him. While Eka monkeyed around some trees, we cooked up a spread on the community BBQ grills.

Feasted and sated, we spent some more time at the beach till the sun started its dusky transformation when we started back for home. What a day it had been.

But through the drive back and later during the evening, all I could think of was Eka's experience and the way he dealt with it. I guess from now I need to interact with him a little maturely. A small incident but a big lesson.

The Sleepy Goodbye

Yesterday I was busy packing and preparing for my trip to the Philippines. Eka kept out of my way, keeping busy with his new books and his backyard digging project (a.k.a. I'm building something). We had an unspoken understanding that it was a day where attentions were bound to be divided. So both of us got busy in keeping occupied with the tasks at hand. 

By the time the day ended, I had finished my preparations and Eka was ready to hit the bed. When I went to tuck him in he asked me if I would be there in the morning when he woke up. Since my flight was at 9:05 am that necessitated I leave by 7:00, I told him only if he wakes up early. Being Sunday, waking up early is highly irregular so we left it at that. 

This morning after I woke up and finished my last minute readiness regime, I had 15 minutes to spare before the taxi arrived to take me to the airport. Neerja and I agreed to wake Eka up so that I could say goodbye before my 10-day trip commenced.  We sat by Eka's bedside and gently nudged him awake. His sleepy eyes looked up without any recollection of the need to disturb his slumber. I whispered that I was about to leave and had come to wish him goodbye. My angel looked into my eyes, smiled, wished me good morning and goodbye and kept looking at me while I sat beside him. I knew he wanted to sleep but he waited!

Gently I lulled him to get back to sleep which didn't take long. But he took my hand and held it to keep me close to him. He didn't want me to leave though he knew I had to. 

With a reluctant heart I freed myself of my baby's hug and let him sleep peacefully. No fuss, no tears, just a peaceful goodbye. 

Sitting at the airport lounge as I write this note, I can't wait to get back when my journey has hardly begun. 

Sharing a Passion in Reading

As a child I was an avid reader, at times to the chagrin of my mother who would have wanted me to spend time in the outdoors. But reading has remained my constant companion forever. It was natural for me to want Eka to enjoy reading. It took a while but Eka's finally learning to love this hobby.

Eka began his journey into books with comics and picture books filled with his favourite characters. This school and class teacher played a big part in feeding his interest into books by letting him select age appropriate books across genres. Every week he came home with a new library book that piqued his interest in a new thing. I could see him grow his vocabulary every day. Most evenings at bedtime we would read out of the library book, taking turns by reading pages in patterns.

During Term 3, Eka's school celebrated their annual Book Week. Children were encouraged to buy books at discounted prices to grow their library. Neerja and I were keen to get Eka a few books but didn't know which ones to buy. We presumed his growing interest in comic super heroes would determine his choice in books. Having resigned to this presumption we marched onward to the book fair. 

At the book stall Eka surprised us with his choice of books. He selected two books on puppies, one on animal babies, and one encyclopedia on planet Earth. Good choice Eka.

These were big boy books for Eka. Few pictures, pages filled with words, sentences, and complex subjects. Eka began reading his first growing up book, "The Puppy who was Left Behind" by Holly Webb. It's been a pleasure seeing him keep to the book, reading at bedtime and continuing on waking up. A week and a bit more has passed and Eka's finished reading this book. His excitement in completing a book with over a hundred pages is fabulous. And this excitement along with his curiosity to learn new thing will continue to feed his interest in books. I have even opened a GoodReads account to track his library.

I'm happy. It's like passing on a passion and a legacy to my son. Thanks Eka for giving me another pleasure at being a dad... your Dad.

Climbing my Mount Everest

Extending my physical capabilities was never a fundamental need for me. Through my childhood and teens I was content with my ability to marginally engage in physical activities. I knew it wasn't due to any limitation but my will to participate. But I have since continued in this mild association with workouts and physical challenges.

Yet I knew this was not a trait to pass along the family line and I hoped Eka would be better. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

A year or so back we were out on a weekend at South Bank for one of the cultural evenings. This meant festive ambiance for us and rides and treats for Eka. Amid other things, Eka wanted to try his hands on rock climbing. Well why not? Eka was thrilled to get his hands and feed on the little nooks and grooves and climb all the way to the top. Despite fear, Neerja and I kept looking at him in awe. He was doing what I could only dream of.

This experience with measured doses of videos on Parkour fuelled Eka's interest in climbing and jumping. I constantly encourage him to overcome his fear of jumping from heights and he has been improving in spot jumps and hurdles, descending jumps, and long jumps. 

One evening we were at Currumbin Beach where perched on the beach stands a rock formation that is perfect to climb. 

The moment Eka laid his eyes on it he wanted to scale it. Doubt and apprehension crept all over the parental protective response system. It could simply have been a negative and that would have been the end, albeit a whiny one.

But to forge Eka's confidence, as parents we had to set ourselves up for the challenge too. With baby steps we moved closer to the gigantic rock (it did feel so for what we were attempting) and convinced ourselves this is good for him.

As we reached the rock Eka broke off from the protective security detail of his Ma and Pa and ran towards his Everest. 

At first he contented himself by climbing close to the ground, trying to gauge himself. 

As he became surefooted the altitude rose. Within a few minutes he was at the summit looking down at us and beaming like the sun shining from a mountain top. Oh what bliss. And now he had to come down... Oh fish!

Constant pandering on being careful, watching where to place feet, looking around for best nooks and crannies, and a couple of minutes later Eka was back on mother earth. 

Relief, joy, awe, pride, adoration, and other such emotions followed.

Since then, rock climbing has been a constant companion in our weekend outings. It helps both father and son overcome our fears. While he climbs I see the world from his eyes.